I've had a lot of trouble forgiving someone. She said she was my friend and then did some pretty rotten things to me, mostly just completely avoiding me. She used me and the whole time I thought she really cared. I suppose that this kind of thing has happened to a lot of people, but I was really fooled. I am usually suspicious of everyone, but I was completely taken in by her, and I truly loved her. The last thing she did was two years ago when she "borrowed" some things from me and never gave them back. I called her several times, but there was always some excuse that she couldn't bring the things back or couldn't even meet me somewhere to return them. These are things she did on purpose, not accidentally. I finally unfriended her on social media, and I deleted her from my phone contacts.
Every time I think of her, I feel sick. The fact is that I am sick. I am spiritually sick when I refuse to forgive and become sicker every day that I hold this inside. She is the one who did wrong, so why am I punishing myself with the sickness of unforgiveness? My husband has reminded me many times that I am making myself sick, God will not forgive me unless I truly forgive from the heart, blah, blah, but I haven't paid any attention. He has even mentioned a step program technique to practice: pray for the person who you believe injured you--that he/she might have all the wonderful things in his/her life that you wish in your life.
This is the same as Matthew 5:43-45a "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor, and hate your enemy.' But I tell you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who mistreat you and persecute you, that you may be children of your Father who is in heaven" (World English Bible).
These are red words in most of my Bibles. This is not a suggestion; this is a commandment. So, today, my Savior's (and my husband's) teaching finally hit their mark. I began praying for this friend/enemy. I asked God to give her all the good things she wants as well as the sweet spiritual gifts that He wants to give her. I'm going to do this every time I think of her and let the Holy Spirit wash away the hurt and replace it with His perfect love.
The really cool thing is that I feel so free. I didn't do the crazy munchies tonight because I'm not eaten up inside. I pray that God will help me to remember this when I remember another wrong.