For days, I have been hungry for chocolate chip cookies or dough of the same. I've tried everything I could think of to distract myself from this. As I think I have mentioned, one more sugar spree could be my last, ever. I have not had any sugar treats since my post about the "sneak" treats on May 14, 2018. I have cheated by eating too many carbs a few times and cheated by eating too much protein very many times. But there was no sugar involved.
When my husband was gone just now, I went to the store to get some cookies or something. One famous brand had their normal chocolate chip cookies in a regular-sized package for one dollar less than my favorite style of their cookies (chunky) in a family-sized package. I knew my husband wouldn't help me eat the cookies and I wasn't sure if I would die eating a whole family pack of cookies. So I thought I would get the cookie mix that only has to have water, but this store didn't have it. The whole time I was in the store, I had the family pack of chunky cookies in my cart.
I thought maybe I would just buy some candy. But that wouldn't satisfy the cookie dough craving. I thought how a sugar binge affected me last time: very sick head, blurry eyesight, arthritis pain came back with a vengeance, sleeplessness, diabetic neuropathy pain in fingers returned and got worse, the inflammation in my knees returned and got worse, and I had to start all over again on getting my body to the keto fat-burning stage. This had taken several days.
I thought how, when I was more overweight than I am now, sometimes I acted as if I didn't care how fat I was and would eat a ton of carbs. This was especially the case regarding "free" things: work pizza, food days, donuts, or other treats. The whole time, I kept up the appearance of being happy and jolly, like Santa Claus, as if I was going to live forever in legends, like Santa Claus. I thought how some people currently seem to think I'm crazy for eating butter and other fat. I thought how commercials on television, in magazines, wherever, pointedly tell us how we need sugar and flour treats all the time. This is not true, but they are convincing. I thought how I want to be something different and how that would require my making some different decisions and taking some different actions.
Ultimately, I walked out of the store without the cookies (or anything else). Before I got to the store, I had wished that I could have the freedom to buy exactly what I want, like so many people I know. But I realized in the store that I do have that freedom. I can choose whatever I want. I can choose sugar or other super carbs and have my little or giant yummy treat. And, I could also have pain, worsening diabetes symptoms, and poor nutrition. Or I can choose no sugar or refined wheat flour, less pain, lessened and fading diabetes symptoms and excellent nutrition.
When I have two choices and I choose one, this means that I do not choose the other. If I choose to eat a keto diet, I'm automatically not choosing a majority of carbs lifestyle--no pecan pie :(. By making this choice, over time, I have lost a little weight eating one of my most favorite foods (butter) and am getting healthier. However, when I was getting my carb treats, I was also getting more unhealthy. When I chose fried, starchy foods and other huge carb items, I was also automatically choosing poorer health. When I did that, I was choosing to remain overweight one more day and to forever lose a day that I could have felt better. Nothing is really free: there is always a cost.
In every yes choice, there lies a no choice; in every yea, there is a nay; in every for, there is an against. I chose for being healthier and against being unhealthier, and I'm so glad that I did!