Why I don’t have many close friends…

I know this is difficult to believe, but sometimes when wives get together, the assembly becomes sort-of a gripe fest about husbands. Occasionally, there is present a grateful, appreciative wife who wants to tell the truth about her wonderful husband. However, she knows this would alienate her from her friends, and, ultimately, she may not be asked to join them again. :(

It seems like a kind of sport among women to jab at their absent husbands, as if they are having a contest about who has the most difficult one. Maybe the goal is, “Now you know why I feel justified in my self-pity wallow. Pour me another Margarita.” I like to tell the truth as much as possible: Jim is practically perfect in every way and this fact is not popular among other wives.

However, in all fairness, I must take into account the piles of rolled-up socks, the fatally-wounded shoes unmercifully left to suffer in pain around the bed before being finally cast to the wolves (dogs), the incredible abundance of lettuce “manna” in various parts of the kitchen waiting in cold wetness to alarm some unsuspecting foot, the painstakingly-slow mouse maneuvering in the computer room, and the inevitable “after I eat, I’m done” dinner pronouncement. These are also all a part of Mr. Practically Perfect. Sometimes, I SOOOO want to fix Jim.

What is my role as a wife in a God-ordained marriage? In order to determine that, I need to review the first marriage because it was definitely God-ordained (and sinless at first). “Yahweh God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him’” (Genesis 2:18, World English Bible). Note: Eve was not the one with the helper; Adam was the one with the helper. Jim does not need to help me; I help him. Jim’s role is to Listen and Do and my role is to Help Do. There is a subtle difference here that many co-dependent (read: control freak) people do not always understand. Jim is the person who hears God for our family and acts on God’s word. I help Jim in the action he feels we should take.

The role of Helper may seem menial, but there are many benefits to being the Helper: 1) not responsible for making the Plan, 2) not responsible for creating the Action for the Plan (except if asked by the husband), 3) not responsible for the success of the Plan, and 4) gets kudos from God for helping even if the Plan the husband created fails. Go, Bunny! Go, Bunny!

So, Helper is a cool role. It’s also a God-related role. The word for “Helper” (which is ẽzer in Hebrew) is from the root word ãzar, which is to surround, protect, or aid (Strong, pp. 503, 1550). Many times in the Bible, it is used to describe God’s role in mans’ trials. Hallelujah, my role is Christ’s hands and feet! This is exactly what I want to be. I just have to turn my will over to God (check my ego at the door), then help my husband with the plan he feels God wishes him to pursue, and trust God with the outcome.

Nothing to feel sorry for myself here (and no need for another Margarita)—just potential for great blessings from God as the reward for obedience based on Faith in God. And, when my girlfriends want a pity-fest, I can smile kindly at them, love them, and offer more pork rinds and diet soda.

Work Cited

Strong, James. Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible: Updated and Expanded Edition. 4th Printing. Peabody: Hendrickson Publishers, Inc, 2007. Print.